suicidal thoughts..

Dear Reader of my words,

            The silent killer, suicide can sometimes spread through families, schools, and even social networks. The worst way to deal with things is the easy way that easy way is selfish in reasons you leave all of your problems behind and let loved ones deal with them. “Orchards” by Holly Thompson is a beautiful written achievement with themes strong enough for anyone who needs inspiration. People often turn to suicide for a feeling of relief, the ironic part of it all is that one needs to be alive to feel, ultimately suicide is the worst way to escape. Suicide can be avoided. For the ages of 15 -19, 11 out of 100,000 will commit suicide in America. Those numbers may seem small but just think how many cities have roughly that many people in it, and the chances of you personally knowing one of those 11. I chose this topic because this is a serious topic and with knowing prevention can spread faster than the spread of suicide. Kana and her friends were to blame when Ruth pulled the strings and committed suicide. While in a rural Japan farming community she reflects and learns a lot about herself and the negative effects of her actions. She realizes that if her and her friends knew the signs something, just something could have been done to stop the suicide.

Talking To My Self.. again

                I can't believe I did it, there is, lying there on my bed. Ready for me

All I need to do is write my farewells and greetings to death. That noose is my way out, nothing other than this can make me feel like I used to.

What if the knot slips out and it fails and all that happens is a rope burn around my neck.

how would I than go to school and face every one , every one that hates me, that doesn't care, that won't notice when I'm gone, when my desk is empty it will only be used to held an other books or maybe someone else will replace my seat.

When is the right time?

Should I wait till my parents go to sleep or do I do it while they are at work, what happens when I drift off into the obis. Will it be calm, brighter than sun, warmer than sand after a long day, will it be all mine, a place where I can be me and not have to worry what others think? when will I arrive?

I hope its quick

Fades to black

The Black will cover me like warm blankets I hid in when mom and dad fight

about me.

This must be time, the clouds and rain are here to wash me away, it's time to be done to snap, I tell myself it will be quick and painless. what if its long and slow, I deserve that right?

I have had enough . My time ends now

10 Things to Know Before Committing Suicide

               

1.       People WILL miss you. People will NEVER forget you .

2.       Suicide is selfish and solves nothing. You leave the people around you with the problems you left behind as you add to their problems.

3.       Talk to people who have been through it before and ask them for help. If they overcame their feelings than so can you. There are good chances that you live, so do not give up home. There is ALWAYS hope.

4.       Feelings and actions are two completely different things. Give yourself room and time to think, just because you have feelings of suicide you do not have to act on those this moment, put distance between your feelings and actions.

5.       Suicide solves nothing. Suicide is the coward thing to do. You are stronger than this, if you consider yourself strong enough to kill yourself, you are definitely strong enough to get through this.

6.       Seek help. Suicide is not the answer. solving and overcoming your problems are the answers. Do not put a burden on yourself by trying to help yourself, asking for help is a huge step forward.

7.       Remember that your current feelings are feelings. You can only feel and think if you are alive, suicide will not release you of your problems, and there is no way to feel the relief if one is no longer living.

8.       Let go of hurts , be happy your living and healthy, heal someone else with your condition, love,  look forward to tomorrow because tomorrow is a new day

9.       People die yes, but not everyone lives, live your life as best as you can, death can wait, you living life to the fullest cannot.

10.   Therapy is ok. It will help. Never stop caring about yourself.

Eulogy

                 To Cody: A best friend, a lover, a fighter, a person who was always there for me,  the best friend.

some who used to smile who used to love life, always the friend who was there as soon as you get off the phone. This person was all sorts of laughter and joy, until the past year. With a family falling apart people around him falling apart as well. Drugs, Money, Fame, Popularity finally took its toll on him. he snapped, couldn't take it any longer, couldn't take the bullying. He wanted to run away but was scared that would not solve anything, which in his case it wouldn't have. Only help would have worked, only if I knew the signs.  I could have stopped him from killing himself in his room al by himself.

                We met unlike any friends would. we shared moments that most would never experience in a life time. Who knows where we would have ended up id things didn't have to end. He took his life, sadly not thinking about us who are here today, tears fill our eyes as we watch a friend, brother, boyfriend, classmate, and son as we watch him lower into the ground. there he will lie forever and rest until the day comes when we to join him above.

However he took his life away, If we knew the signs maybe something different would have happened.

Rest forever young my dear friend Cody Ross.

Reflection

                I chose Talking to myself as one genre because I wanted to put the reader in a state of mind similar to that of one who has suicidal thoughts.  I wanted you to feel the confusion and also notice how they blame everything on themselves even when it's not their fault. The difficulties I had with this one was the simple fact that I had never had a thought of suicide cross my mind ever. so I had to play pretend for a little bit. In  my ten things to know I wanted to make something useful. Something that maybe someone could use if negative thoughts of suicide cross their mind, I wanted to contribute to the spread of knowledge , again I had troubles with creating things to say, because I haven't been on the other side of things. In my Caricature I had some freedom to express some feelings towards the topic. Also I had difficulty incorporating more than one thing and making it interesting to look at. My funeral speech was the easiest to me because I actually have been thorough that, a friend who was suicidal and I wasn't there for him and to this day I blame myself every single chance I get for not knowing the signs. Or even being there for him during his time of need, all I have to offer doesn't matter now because he is gone. I learned a lot about my topic and how to prevent it, how to look for it, when to look for it, how to stop it, and I understand now, more than ever that prevention comes with knowledge

Work cited..

thanks to google images for pictures.

just kidding

  http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://aw2.armylive.dodlive.mil/files/2009/09/suicide_speak_reach.jpg&imgrefurl=http://aw2.armylive.dodlive.mil/index.php/tag/suicide-prevention-month/&usg=__PkWc5FikDO5F-_NgGvgif0zTzfI=&h=480&w=720&sz=235&hl=en&start=63&zoom=1&tbnid=icFe1j5xM0PbJM:&tbnh=173&tbnw=230&ei=NyiZTZS2JpDpgQeO8MC3CA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicide%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1457&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=899&vpy=382&dur=2490&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=118&ty=78&oei=hCeZTbOcD4Tg0gGEy5jlCw&page=4&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:63&biw=1579&bih=694

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cdn.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/suicide_bunny5.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/suicide_bunny.html&usg=__BGrPgV2NxxZ6zFPSEbZD7pd0sFY=&h=415&w=385&sz=24&hl=en&start=20&zoom=1&tbnid=A_7iGS4g_E0yiM:&tbnh=166&tbnw=154&ei=XiiZTYCxNsLpgAeb98nECA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicide%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C625&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1153&vpy=226&dur=160&hovh=233&hovw=216&tx=129&ty=144&oei=hCeZTbOcD4Tg0gGEy5jlCw&page=2&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:20&biw=1579&bih=694

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/spade9036/Suicide.png&imgrefurl=http://www.fark.com/comments/4181815/Any-more-than-two-kids-youre-destroying-planet-Were-talking-to-YOU-octuplet-lady&usg=__SAakt-XgSFo5dsNMPwAEkDF3dBU=&h=520&w=650&sz=136&hl=en&start=42&zoom=1&tbnid=MJ4Pg8LgE4LvfM:&tbnh=171&tbnw=219&ei=pending&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicide%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1041&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1301&vpy=382&dur=1240&hovh=201&hovw=251&tx=80&ty=145&oei=hCeZTbOcD4Tg0gGEy5jlCw&page=3&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:42&biw=1579&bih=694

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXeQvi_GfYjxLIJAksQXO1to36Yd-wCZMU1tQ7zCiolMtZE_9-4_BHs6tgGfvHkZd-9mR4ofjFXSjawVXH6lC4ORLfILcQXaNbXGJVPSwzh9mUs3ym8GaxBQwtC-zW5k_whHycr-op8-WN/s1600/suicide-bear-didnt-even-leave-a-not.jpg&imgrefurl=http://mytumblingthoughts.blogspot.com/&usg=__5az1fW33cJFMw3n1xGR6qHZQ678=&h=338&w=450&sz=19&hl=en&start=63&zoom=1&tbnid=iljIyJVmrwV58M:&tbnh=153&tbnw=207&ei=pyiZTayHIsLpgAeb98nECA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicide%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=430&oei=hCeZTbOcD4Tg0gGEy5jlCw&page=4&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:17,s:63&tx=82&ty=65


http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.doctorsecrets.com/your-mind/suicide.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.doctorsecrets.com/your-mind/suicide-prevention.htm&usg=__fBzqM_qmTI90-y_3QHY8XAD3gm4=&h=417&w=506&sz=12&hl=en&start=620&zoom=1&tbnid=jnlPLsmBMUY4kM:&tbnh=160&tbnw=194&ei=SSmZTeLxD5OugQeYh42zCA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicide%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:11%2C16739&chk=sbg&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=993&vpy=103&dur=790&hovh=204&hovw=247&tx=107&ty=135&oei=-CiZTcjcD4q_0QHiv4j-Cw&page=30&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:18,s:620&biw=1579&bih=694




http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/dpa/lowres/dpan847l.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/suicidal_thoughts.asp&usg=__ppieVhHpFXVTnLvqiuXkZt-sYes=&h=400&w=332&sz=23&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=9Y1JJ3o_Q0KE1M:&tbnh=129&tbnw=106&ei=vymZTYKTDMfb0QGH1rx2&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicidal%2Bthoughts%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=932&vpy=62&dur=310&hovh=246&hovw=204&tx=110&ty=117&oei=vymZTYKTDMfb0QGH1rx2&page=1&ndsp=39&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0


http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/069/0/3/suicidal_thoughts_by_patternpaw-d3bckhl.png&imgrefurl=http://patternpaw.deviantart.com/art/Suicidal-Thoughts-200460729&usg=__6U5NSkCsMW4lGWX14b1-BiCIXaI=&h=1007&w=900&sz=1838&hl=en&start=60&zoom=1&tbnid=T5u2RKf4lSvKDM:&tbnh=173&tbnw=155&ei=3imZTYnPCJHUgAeA5qHJCA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsuicidal%2Bthoughts%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1R2ADSA_enUS381%26biw%3D1579%26bih%3D694%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1353&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=472&vpy=238&dur=190&hovh=237&hovw=212&tx=82&ty=112&oei=vymZTYKTDMfb0QGH1rx2&page=3&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:16,s:60&biw=1579&bih=694

Fantasyy story .. didnt upload the first time,kool blogger

“Heads or tails?” says the boy proudly holding a shiny gold coin up in the air and a toy under each arm. His mom looks down with a smile and says, “Today you can get both things sweetie.

” However, at the age of six Ryan already knew and respected the limits given to him and responded

“But mom, you said that I could only get a few things and I already got cereal, ice cream, that bouncy ball, fruit snacks, and a coloring pad.

” Most people would have been surprised by a six year old acting twice his age but not her, she knew that he was just like his grandpa and that the coin only made them more alike.

            Ryan was a mere five years old when his Grandfather gave him the coin, it was a family air loom and had been in the family since the assassination of the forty-fourth president of the United states. It was the determining factor of all major decisions in the family. In-fact Ryan wouldn’t have even existed if it wasn’t for that faithly coin. The day his parents met his dad flipped the coin to see if he should ask his mother out on a date. He wanted to. It was love at first sight and there was no doubt about that, but he was nervous that she would say no. So he told himself, “Heads, I run over and ask her. Tails, it isn’t meant to be.” It was heads of course and the rest is history.

Grandpa told Ryan this story along with many others about the coin as Ryan sat there amazed with his eyes as big as saucers and mouth wide open. When Grandpa felt that the stories had reached a climax he handed Ryan the coin and everything became more serious. He said “I want you to have this but there is a catch.” Ryan’s eyes narrowed, his mouth snapped shut, and he sat up as straight as a pin. You could almost see his ears perking up like a dog eager to listen. “This is a big responsibility for such little boy, but I know you can handle it. I was a little older than you when I got it and I didn’t understand at first but as time went by it all became clear. I don’t expect you to realize how important this coin is yet, but I don’t have much time left in this world and it is important that you carry on its legacy. Anytime that you come to a fork in the road or a tough decision all you have to do is flip it, heads is yes and tails is no.” He said as Ryan fumbled the coin in his hands looking at the pictures on each side. “It has never been wrong and it never will be, because everything happens for a reason. Just know that once the coin is flipped you can’t change it, what is done becomes fate.” Ryan’s heart began to beat fast like it did when he thought about monsters under his bed and the coin started to sound like something scary too. “This coin knows what is best for you but no one else. As long as you always keep it on you then you will have the perfect life. As long as you keep the coin I am always with you and I will always keep you safe.” Ryan crawled onto his grandpa’s lap and looked in his eyes confused. “I know that this is a lot for you to take in right now but I wish that someone would have told me about these things before I took the coin. Please learn from my mistakes and follow everything I told you. If you do then you will be fine. I love you Ryan I know that you won’t let me down.”

That was the last day that Ryan saw his grandpa, and a day that he would never forget. He passed away a few weeks later in a bizarre death. The medics said that he died from old age however, he was only seventy-eight and people lived to nearly one hundred and fifty with the advanced technology that had been created over the years. The death took a toll on the whole family however, Ryan took it the hardest. His role model had been taken away from him before he could even say good-bye. He felt like he had so much left to learn from him and so many questions left about the coin.

He held the coin in his closed fist and cried. It was the only thing that he had left of the person he loved and cared about the most and the speech he had given him only a few weeks later repeated in his head like a broken record as he tried to make sense of it. Ryan had never used the coin before. He was very cautious and didn’t like doing things he was unsure of, but now he had no one to ask any questions or sort out any concerns. So, he asked the coin. He balanced it on his thumb and questioned “Does Grandpa know I miss him?” The coin flew through the air at the flick of his finger and landed heads up, that meant yes. It seemed right but he was still unsure, so Ryan asked another question. “Is he ever coming back?” He knew the answer was no, but he wanted to test the coin to make sure it worked. This time the coin hit the ground and spun around like a tornado before finally landing with tails facing up. This was the correct answer but somehow it made Ryan’s heart sink. It was almost like he wanted the coin to be wrong so he could believe that it was magic and could bring his grandpa back. Ryan put the coin in his pocket, it had earned his trust, but he didn’t have anymore questions for now.

However, as the days passed Ryan started to use the coin more and more. He used it for everything, picking out his clothes, answering simple questions and even mediating fights with his siblings. It always seemed to work in his favor and the sorrow in his heart began to disappear. There was not a question in his mind that this coin wouldn’t lead him down the road to perfection, and he was right.

Ryan became one of the most successful businessmen known in the stock market. He used the coin everyday; he used it for every stock he looked at. If it said yes he invested and if it said no he didn’t. His secret to success was that simple. The coin had never failed him. Every time that he had invested it was a wise decision. He was filthy rich had the perfect life and his coin was his most prized possession.

However, one day a day like all the others. He looked at the stocks flipped his coin and it told him to invest in a large company that was falling apart. Any normal person would see this as a stupid and risky decision but he put his trust in the coin and for the first time it failed him. He lost millions of dollars and he was stunned. He went mad; he threw the coin in a dresser drawer and started coming to work with out it. He lost one dollar after the next until, his life had done a complete one-eighty and he was left with virtually nothing. His wife left him because it turned out what she really loved was his money. She got full custody of their kids because she claimed that he was insane and unsafe to be around. And since he didn’t have any money to pay for the pre-nup she got most everything in the house as well.

Ryan lay on a box spring mattress in the middle of a bare room staring at the only possession he truly owned, the coin his grandfather gave him, and the sorrow began to fill his heart again. His perfect life had crumbled before his eyes but how could this happen? This question launched a million others. If the coin knows what is best then why did this happen? How could the coin be wrong? And then Ryan began to think about the last words he and his Grandfather had. This only brought more questions. How did Grandpa know his time left in this world was short?  Why did he die so suddenly? What mistakes did he make? How would he be let down? How did he really die? Ryan knew that all of this had to be connected to the coin and that he had to figure out how in order to be happy again. So he decided to do what he always did when it came to answering tough questions, flip the coin.

He flicked the coin into the air and asked “Is it your fault that my grandfather is dead?” and as he heard the coin hit the ground there was only one question on his mind… Heads or tails?

greatest achivemant. menmint ment mant.. hmmh 3/2/11

my greatest achievement is obviosly not spelling this correctly cause well thats one of the manythings i fail gratley at, along with jumping high.. however i could jump really far horizantally.. 19.4 feet is my farthest jump i did in the summer after 8th grade year.. why didnt i run trackk.,, baseball see to me its simple.
all my life i have struggled at following rules and resisting what i want to to do in order to follow direction which most of the time are there for reasons.
ONE thing i have always been good for is baseball.
im not sure weather growing up watching countless hours of baseball and being in myy brothers duggout since i was 6 no matter what team he pllayed for. this is how i have found a remarkable tallent of mine.
I soulyy believe with out growing up learning the game and helping anyway i could in my brother success, or being touaght the real game of baseball and how is should be played the way it was ment to be played i do not think i would have chance in playing in the major leauges,, however when someone says second nature people may say eating or sallowing or buttoning a button,, not the case for my second nature IS baseball,.. it alwys has and always will be.
 My favorite moment playing was a tournament game when i was 11.    imagine this..
semiplayoffs..  it was the bottom of the 7th inning and we were down my 8 runs. i start off the inning and i laid down a perfect bunt to get on first. next pitch i steal second.  3 pitches later a teammate of mine hits me to 3rd im on 3rd no outs, a hit to the shortstop instincts kicked in and i ran with out thinking about where the ball was hit and the next thing i know was im now in a pickel between home and third,. i was quick fast and i juked a kid and slid into home without being tagged out., of coarse my team gets pumped and rallys hit after hit after hit.  im up before i can even catch my breath.. heart racing i step into the box bases loaded 2 outs last chance for anything to happen.. if i strike out game over and we are out t=of the tournament.. the at bat went a little like this..  first pitch ball outside. second strike straight down the pipe. third pitch strike down the middle again im a little worried i just let the two best pitches go by but the last pitch i swung at with everything i had contactt ding! basehitt  to the outfeild to winn the game for my team we move on in the tournament and end up losing in extra innings in the championship game but i will never forget the inning where i was the star i could be one day.. one day